The Day I Learned To Look Up

by Kieran McRobben

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released May 23, 2014

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Kieran McRobben Arbroath, UK

Life gave me tough skin. These words are my spine.

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Track Name: A Poem About People I Hate
All my life I've been called a nerd, a loser, a geek.
Just because I love to learn.
I want to know why our calendar has seven days in the week
and why we are averse to telling people how much we earn.
Thank god or zeus or even the big bang for wikipedia
because without it I'd never be able to bore workmates
with facts and interesting titbits about who really controls the world's media
(it's not a conspiracy by the way, Noam Chomsky told me and his name holds weight in debates)
It's just fate that the curse placed upon my tiny little head is now plastered across all these fucking tshirts on little girl's chests.
Because being a geek is somehow cool now?
Like I didn't get my head shoved in a fucking bin and my childhood is just one big fat cash cow?
It's like I wasn't so scared of ridicule for joining the debate club I ran away and ate lunch on the pavement on my own? Wow. I've barely told anyone about that.

Where was I? Oh yeah, tell me about your adventures in the Warhammer universe fellow geek. Tell me about the time you spend reading short stories by only Phillip K Dick and Bradbury for a whole week.

How disappointed were you that the overarching story in Asimov's I, Robot was completely missed out in the Will Smith adaptation?
Who pushed you down stairs in school because you thought superheros were cool? Were you the last in your group of friends to pull? Yes, teenagers can be cruel but I'm still being ridiculed by the exact same people who paid to see The Avengers four times because Chris Hemsworth and Robert Downey Junior make them drool.

Dungeons and Dragons is nothing like playing with a Barbie doll and you sound like a fool for making that comparison, but I try to take it on the chin. Because I never expect anyone to understand why I run Linux instead of Windows on my netbook, or why I continually fix my eight year old iPod instead of buying a new one.

And I'd never understand why you would mute the news or think it's boring to see a meteor caught on camera crashing down to Earth with an impact like a giant cosmic gun. That's the reason I'll never buy a tshirt that states in VERY LARGE FONT, that everyone can read that I'm a domesticated dog, on a very short lead.
Track Name: Butterflies
It isn't often I'm lost for words but when you kissed me, my head was with the birds, in a cloud and I could hear my heart beating so loud I thought it would burst from my chest, then you said

"are you ready?"

Time stopped, and that's the most beautiful thing because I don't want to waste it, like seedlings in spring. Am I ready? "Of course", I said dizzy, heady from kiss and you looked at me with doe eyes, and said

"don't hurt this"

Us two alone, only moonlight exists, the sole witness to this tryst sits high above watching hands touching hands, hands touching hips. In this moment we are one (no space), an everlasting embrace.
Track Name: Deferred Life Plan
They say good things come to those who wait
but I think that theory is up for debate.
Sit on your hands and good times will arrive?
I want my pie now, not at sixty five!
That seems like madness,
that seems like wishful thinking
and I'm slowly realising
why everyone is drinking.
But the path to the bottom of the bottle ain't sweet
and the only thing there is the taste of defeat
If you dread Monday coming and then celebrate Friday
you're wishing more than half of your life away.

When did you start your deferred life plan?
Didn't you ever have dreams?
Or do you just have a short attention span?
Look, I know it isn't that easy to start,
but if you're doing nothing now
your life and your dreams will always be miles apart,
and I know you don't believe in immortality
but that's your current rationality.
Just cos Ronan Keating said it, don't make it untrue
Tomorrow never comes...
At least that's the conclusion I've come to

When we see a hardship, some people duck their heads.
Some people wear a hat and pretend they're someone else.
Some people wear a mask, sink down low and disappear,
but some people thrive, and that's why I'm here.

A job doesn't make you happy in the long run,
having values and knowing you live by them
will make you happier than having none.
Remember what a job is for, generating income.
If your job gives you money but robs you of all your time
through worry, stress or working on your own dime
it's a crime, it's voluntary mental slavery.
But for some reason you think that's fine
because the boss will recognise your sacrifice
and reward you by allowing you to climb,
but you'll never reach him, there'll always be another one.
You'll never reach the top, there'll always be another rung.
If you're climbing the wrong ladder, you'll always come undone.

So why climb at all? You can fly! You can have it all.
Open your mind and see that there's another way.
Find someone living your dreams and live their life for a day,
ask how they got there, I bet it wasn't just wishes and prayer.
And as you stare and wonder how to live the life you want
remember you can have it all, all you need to do is make that jump.
Track Name: Every Atom
It's not love that tears us apart, its the heartache that does.
A troubled mind stuck in time looping ifs, buts and because,
predisposed with thoughts of who, when, why and of what was.
Heartache ruins us.

If its not love that tears us apart, the memories will.
Ruminating good and bad
then out they spill
to anyone sparing a shoulder or ear
and we can't stem the flow until,
heartache drains us.

Love will never tear us apart
because humans we are,
and every atom in our body was once part of a star.
What is the loss of love when life is this bizarre?
Heartache cleanses us
Track Name: There Are Bigger Things To Worry About Than Personal Tragedy
So here I am sittin in this flat barely big enough for two
thinkin about my future and what I've still got to do
then I look outside the window and the world is lookin like a wheel
stil it feels like it moves too fast, cos I don't know what I want to do
and even if I figure out, my mind will still be filled with doubt
thanks to this legacy that education left with me
this self fulfilling prophecy
honestly, I feel as if I've become exactly who you thought I'd be

In years from now, will I prove you wrong?
Will my mind and body be as strong
as I think they need to be
to support a family and still enjoy life
to the best degree?
I hope for the best that I'll soon feel free
from the way society has captured me
cos right now I'm trapped in a cage of capitalism
and this animosity is killing me

Back then you made me feel like a joke,
so I acted it.
I didn't ever think that despite the fact I hated you
You'd make me who I am today and I can't thank you enough

I realise now that those childish seeds of doubt
are what every human being needs
to rise above catastrophe
to be the man he needs to be
to realise his dreams
and a cheesy as it sounds
we need conflict to rise against
and evil to overcome
to become who we really are inside

Because humans are like butterflies
except some people never come out of that shell
to realise their beauty
they stay hidden and struggle to survive
and that's a bigger tragedy that me disliking my teacher in primary five.